Monica Larson
Much of the social media response to our posts of the last two days regarding the attitudes of too many men toward women has come from women with some experience in this area. And their message has been pretty consistent: If women want to be treated with respect, decency and equality in social, professional and sexual situations, they need to have the confidence and fortitude to assert themselves and demand it.
Just this week, our friend and correspondent Monica Larson has not only talked the talk, but walked the walk, in the process setting an example for all of us.
Monica, a highly intelligent and attractive woman, a former model who is now working on her advanced degree in clinical psychology, posted the following account on my Facebook page after reading our posts. We use it with her permission and in the spirit of her comment, “Sometimes women feel as though they do not have a voice and are silenced by intimidation. That is why the harassers continue their behavior without fear of consequences.”
“I had a horrific incident last night at a business dinner with the owner of my company under the pretense of me heading up a project. During dinner he proceeded to hold my hand, brush the hair away from my face, kiss me and tell me that he wanted to get to know me better, that there were no strings attached, but just a little reminder that they are supposed to convert me from an intern to an employee AFTER the first of the year, but again, no strings attached, of course. This occurred despite me asking him to stop and telling him that I was married and very uncomfortable. He overstepped every ethical boundary that there was and abused his power. I left and I resigned today.”
When I told her how sorry I was that this had happened, but that her courage and self-respect were a powerful example, she replied:
“I was very upset, but I had to take a stand against this type of behavior. I secured another opportunity this evening and will never go back to the other location.”
As you might expect, a number of women cheered Monica’s actions.
I came of age during what was known as the “Second Wave of Feminism.” It is through women like Monica Larson that we can be confident that the “Women’s Liberation” movement is alive, well, and growing.
Good for you, Ms. Larson. That took a lot of guts. I am sorry that this happened, I know the sadness that it can bring when it feels as if no one “sees” you. But keep the faith, there are some good people left in the world.
Gracias,
MD Rice
The experience Monica Larson shared and the actions she took in response to her colleague’s unacceptable behavior are absolutely to be applauded and, indeed, do provide a wonderful example to women and our Second Generation of Woman’s Libber’s. It brings to mind something I can’t help but wonder. Why isn’t there a reality TV show where the goal of a competition is to succeed in the same way that Ms. Larson did, where the winner is the one who finds the confidence within herself to walk away from the seduction of a man and an employment position of power and prestige? Instead, we have reality shows like: The Bachelorette, that promote sex and the art of pinning a guy or, worse yet, shows like: Toddlers and Tiara, that couldn’t get any closer to promoting child porn!
I have a daughter in high school who, as we speak, is in the process of consolidating of her identity and, it scares me to no end, that one day she is going to walk out of her room, all made up, rebellious, and sexy, completely transformed from the confident girl she is now, who seems comfortable with her simplicity. The influence of sex on children is pervasiveness. It’s everywhere and once you catch on to what it looks like especially in its’ subtleties, it becomes almost comical. But really, I know it isn’t. Because unlike Ms. Larson, many women fall prey to believing that the answer to all of life’s problems lie in mastering the art of seduction. To many of these women seduction becomes power and for women who lack self-esteem, they’re usually very pleased with themselves if they master the skill of using it.
When a woman can find the confidence within her to walk away from power and seduction like Ms. Larson it suggests she is emotionally secure, a stable identity and understanding of herself as an autonomous person and essential for self-esteem. Yet, many of the women running around looking sexy and sexier create these veneers or false selves as a steadfast defense mechanism to hide from themselves and others the reality that what lurks beneath these coats of armor is an abyss of sexual, physical, and or emotional insecurities and an intolerable sense of nothingness that some will do almost anything to keep from gaining conscious awareness of it. As theory suggests, some women with BPD may even kill to prevent this veneer from breaking and it’s my guess this theory may apply to one of the motivating factors behind the murder committed by Jodi Arias. But, we’ll never know.
So, ultimately, for those who lack slef esteem or lack a core solid sense of identity it can be quite a challenge to reach this goal and their are many obstacles to overcome beforehand unfortunately. But, it definitely can be accomplished, if the willingness is there!
Dr. J
I certainly applaud Monica’s fortitude and her decisiveness in taking immediate action and for setting a good example to other women. But I must say that most women do not have the employment options that a former model has since beautiful women, whether they “cooperate” or not, still find it much easier to find a job and can, in many instances, write their own ticket. For most women, especially single women, leaving will mean not being able to pay the mortgage. So they stick it out hoping to find a better position before they get fired for “noncompliance” and many times they simply end up working in a hostile work environment with no hope of promotion because of their sullen boss who will look for any legitimate opportunity to fire them in the future.
It simply isn’t fair that it is usually the woman who must leave and have the interruption in her career when it is the man who is at fault — but in nearly every instance, he will still be there in 20 years. Reporting the incident to the EEOC would have been helpful for future women who join his firm, to put something on the record for when it happens again.
Thanks for these perceptive comments.